From The Ground - A girlfriend's perspective...part II

The gas fumes from constantly filling up the gas tank due to trips to the airport must be getting to me. I’m starting to unravel…here’s the evidence.

The other day I’m standing in the kitchen and yell into the bedroom – “Would you like anything to drink?”

“Uh ya, grab me an apple juice!” he replies. I lean further into the fridge thinking…apple juice... apple juice…I don’t remember buying apple juice anytime in the past five years. I shake my head, pour him a glass of Crystal Light, walk into the bedroom and hand it to him. He thanked me, looked at it oddly, and started to open his mouth to say something. I left the room.

Two days later – same kitchen, same question. “Would you like a drink?” I ask.

“I’ll have a Guinness please!” he says. That’s when I lose it.

“Look Dude – this isn’t the freaking Maple Leaf Lounge! We don’t have a fridge full of 50 varieties of soft drinks and 25 beers to choose from. Right now you can have Crystal Light, Diet Coke, skim milk or tap water.” I embellish this statement with arms flailing, even though he can’t see me. “And while we are on this topic, there is no choice of entrée at dinner. EVER. And I’m gonna be straight with you buddy, if you don’t like tacos and bagels you’re in the wrong house.”

And just because I was annoyed – I shot this out of my mouth also; “One more thing, I realize you don’t have time to do as much laundry as usual, and lord knows I won’t do it – but, those jeans you found from a few years ago that are tapered at the bottom? They aren’t a good look for you or anyone that isn’t wearing cowboy boots and riding a bucking bronco. These jeans are banned from being seen anywhere but the Calgary Stampede, and from now on we will refer to them as the “Stampede Jeans”. If you wear them outside of Calgary you will be openly mocked.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m usually a polite, shy creature who couldn’t be sweeter if you added sugar…it’s gotta be those gas fumes.